


You Have Heart

by Cuppatea13



Series: The Stories of Arlie [12]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Interlude, Kinda Dark, do you know what it's like to be unmade, loki'd Clint, not terribly though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-16
Updated: 2015-02-16
Packaged: 2018-03-13 08:13:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3374204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuppatea13/pseuds/Cuppatea13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Do you know what it's like to be unmade?"<br/>Clint's left the building. (Main story is: Reliant, this is an interlude.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Have Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Now, a couple chapters back, RoxasGuyXIII on ff.net asked me if I was planning on writing any chapters from Clint's POV while he was being controlled by Loki. I had decided not to, because it was quite simply a concept I couldn't wrap my head around. I don't know what it's like to be unmade. I know how it feels to be scared, angry, happy, loving, ect., but being unmade is not something I have ever experienced (nor do I particularly want to) and so I felt unequipped to write Clint being controlled by Loki.
> 
> However, I did write him being taken over in the first place. :D

**April 11th, 2012 (Clint)**

"Agent Barton, report." I hear Fury call me on the radio, as I watch over the Tesseract and all the scientists working on it. The scientists are annoyed with me at this point- at first they were amused with all my queries, then impressed with how much I understood, but now they're just irritated that I'm questioning them and hovering above in the rafters. My "nest" they call it.

"I gave you this detail so you could keep a close eye on things," Fury lectures me once I reach the ground.

"Well, I see better from a distance," I tell him.

"Have you seen anything that might set this off?" Fury asks, gesturing to the Tesseract.

One scientist calls over Dr. Selvig because of another energy spike.

I don't like this.

"No one's come or gone," I begin to explain my theory to Fury as we approach the Tesseract, "And Selvig's clean. No contacts, no IMs. If there was any tampering, sir, it wasn't at this end."

Fury gives me a look, and I'm beginning to wonder if maybe Phil's right and I'm smarter than most people, or if maybe Fury just likes having everything spelled out.

"At this end?" he repeats.

"Yeah," I say, "The cube is a doorway to the other end of space, right?" Fury just looks at me, expressionless, "Doors open from both sides." I add with a shrug.

Suddenly the Tesseract starts shooting out bolts of blue energy that looks almost like lightening. The ground starts to shake a bit and I'm wondering what exactly it is we've unleashed here.

Damn.

I stand next to Fury and watch the cube go into some sort of meltdown and then power up. I can feel the air vibrating with energy as a high-pitched whirling begins to emit from the Tesseract. This is  _so_  not going to be good. Next thing we know, it's projecting a portal across from us, opening out onto space. It would be beautiful and amazing if it wasn't potentially so dangerous. A shock wave of blue energy pulses outward and we're forced to briefly cover our eyes from the light. When I lower my arm to look, there is a man standing where the portal had once been. He's average hight, black hair kept long, in a strange costume. He's crouched to the ground, kneeling, and then he looks up at us. His eyes are feverish, his skin covered in a fine sheen of sweat; he looks insane and he gives us a grin that caused my heart to turn a few degrees cold.  _Not. Good._

"Sir. Please put down the spear," Fury says in a booming voice as the man rises to his feet. He looks over at us with wild eyes and I can tell right now- this will only end in bruises. The spear in question is odd looking- it has a blue globe inlaid that seems to glow with the same blue light as the cube.

Shit.

He looks at his spear and lifts it to his face slowly before firing at us a bolt of blue light. I push the Director to the side and we dodge it. Other Agents have begun firing, I can hear the bullets as I get up. I pull my own gun and begin firing with a few other agents behind me. The man with the spear looks at us with annoyance and sends another bolt of energy my way. I dodge to the side again, but the men behind me aren't so quick. This guy already has a high body count for someone who's apparently been on this earth for all of twenty seconds. The room is silent, and I stand once more to try and attack the maniac with the spear. He runs up behind me and blocks my arm with a strength I can't match.

"You have heart," he says to me, and it sounds too much like Phil telling me I have conviction, but instead of the feeling of pride that I get when Phil says this, I get a sinking feeling.

 _I can't die here, I can't leave them_. The spear comes towards me and the tip is pressing into the flesh just above my heart when the tip begins to glow blue. I can't look away. I can't run. I can't fight, and then suddenly I'm trapped in my own mind with someone pulling apart the pieces and playing with them. A memory comes up: playing with linken logs with Barney as kids. I can feel him-  _Loki_ \- in my head, amused with my comparison.

I shove all thoughts of Arlie in the far corner, buried under memories of useless things that Loki will have no interest in- solitary walks in parks, sunsets I've seen, different foods I like. I try to lead him away, distracting him with memories of torturous moments in my life- the assassinations I've done, the fights with Barney, the betrayal, the hurt.

He gets his grubby hands on memories of Tasha and examines them. It hurts, I'd be screaming if I had any control over myself, but I trust Tasha to take care of herself, so I give up the memories of Tasha and Phil and Fury in favor of hiding the memories of Arlie even farther away.

I can feel my free will slipping away from me, but luckily for me, protecting Arlie has never been something something about free will. It's gut instinct, something of a knee-jerk reaction. I hope that's enough to save her.

"Sir," I tell Loki, walking up to him, much of me wanting to help him- he's giving me the truth- but another part of me is screaming, agonized as my brain is dissected and pulled apart and put together in the imagie of Loki- something that was never meant to be. Something unnatural. "Director Fury is stalling," I find myself saying, knowing this to be true. "This place is about to blow and drop about a hundred feet of rock on us. He means to bury us."

The rest is a blur until Loki turns to me. "Well, then,"  _Kill him._

I go to shoot the director but fight it long enough to aim for the chest rather than the head.  _Fury always wears a vest._

Loki doesn't know everything yet.

I grab the Tesseract and leave.

"I need these vehicles," I tell Hill. Loki begins to pick apart my memories of her as well, like a vulture pulling strips of meat from a carcass.

"Who's that?" she asks.

"They didn't tell me," I lie to her with the truth.

Next thing I know, I'm shooting at Hill and driving away as fast as the vehicle can go.

Hill is a fantastic driver, but I've got Loki in my brain with the knowledge of centuries.

No- Hill's a better driver.

But no one is better than Loki.

I'm fighting hard, and Loki gets aggrivated with my struggles. Suddenly, everything goes black and it's just me, hiding in a tiny corner of my mind, still fighting, trying to hold back as much as I can about my friends, and everything about Arlie. The attacks on my psyche are now more direct, more violent if that was possible.

 _I am Agent Clint Barton_ , I tell myself,  _I was trained by Agent Phil Coulson and I am more than you._

I begin to recall a certain list I had given to Phil for safe keeping. As Loki plays and frolics with all my misdeeds, all my mistakes, all my sins, I recite to myself the list of good I've done that Phil has kept in safe keeping for me for ten years now.

It's not much, but it's enough to keep me fighting.

And I have to keep fighting- at the very least for Arlie.


End file.
